What can we do to protect our children?
Yes, its happing!
Pedophilia frightens us very much.
When we look around us – it doesn’t seem to happen much.
Maybe people just want to scare us?
As the years pass and the subject is discussed at meetings - it is clear that it happens quite a lot.
One-third of all sexual abuse cases occur to children under 12 years of age, with one in ten children (!) having been victimized / or are continuing to be victimized.
Other studies show that boys and girls up to age 10 were victimized in the same percentage
Moreover most of these cases occur near to the vicinity of the child and are committed by someone who the child knows.
So the warnings not to talk to strangers, not to open the door, etc. are not usually relevant.
So where are these children who have been sexually abused?
Why do we hear from them only when they are adults? Is it possible?
We, the parents, see and hear nothing?
In many cases we do not hear because the children do not tell us.
They do not tell us for a number of reasons; shame, guilt, fear, lack of knowing how to say what is happening to them, etc.
In the National religious / and the Chareidi society it is less customary to talk about things related to sex – and to talk about sexual abuse is even more difficult.
What can parents do?
Firstly: listen! If our children say something about this subject which sounds strange to us, if our children present us with knowledge that is unclear or inconsistent with sexual matters and customs – don’t silence them. Rather listen to what they say and talk to them (with as little stress and anger as possible) and find out where this knowledge comes from.
Talk to them and encourage the children to speak.
Very often the pedophile first gives a little child presents, candy or a toy, he designates the child as the next victim, and only then after doing this once or twice, which gains the child’s trust, he attacks.
So, if you make it a rule to have a thorough conversation with them on a daily basis - , you may hear today that someone just offered your child a candy, so you can avoid the disaster shortly before its happens.
Secondly, pay attention to behaviour or acts that are too advanced for the child's age.
The most important sign for you to detected that the child has been sexually abused is a dramatic deterioration in his emotional state. Displaying strange or unusual behaviour and a dramatic change in not wanting to do things that he previously enjoyed doing, or to try out new experiences and learning new subjects, or a dramatic change in his attitude to school these are all signs showing sexual abuse
• Sloppy appearance - dirty clothes or wearing clothes that are not suitable for the weather.
• Physical condition - constant fatigue, often sick, injuries and lacerations, difficulty sitting, complaints of irritation in the buttocks or genitals, nausea and dizziness, pregnancy.
• Cognitive ability and ability to learn - a radical and sudden deterioration in school for no apparent reason.
• Emotional State - looking scared and threatened or tense, confused, indifferent to her surroundings, crying often, guilt, despair lack of assertiveness, angry and hostile, shows signs of suicide or talking about it
• Behaviour - an extreme lack of discipline, testing boundaries, creating enormous conflicts, child abuse or animals abuse, stealing, a tendency to wander around the streets, using alcohol or drugs, refusing medical help, possessing sums of money of unknown source, is not comfortable with sexuality.
• Extreme religious behaviour. Either piety on the one hand or being lax in religious obervanced on the other.
Many pedophiles (teachers, rabbis, neighbors) cause the child to think that he is the only child for them and that they love only him.
They try to convince the child, that even his parents do not love him! Your child could be brainwashed and start to believe it. In such cases, you may find that your child begins to move away from you.
The presence of one or more of these signs does not necessarily indicate sexual assault, but requires investigating
Some of the comments, and in particular behaviour patterns - indicate emotional distress and can be caused by other types of trauma, but this is a situation that the requires examination and the intervention of an adult.
Do not hesitate to consult an expert! (Just think what the price of a mistake)
How to respond when a child reveals that there has been sexual abuse?
Do not cry, or show pain, anger, or emotions in front of the child, as much as possible.
The decisive step in solving a problem is a knowing that we have the problem.
What can be done to prevent the next case of sex abuse happening?
The Mikveh Many pedophiles in the Haredi sector chose the Mikveh as the place where they abuse children.
What is easier for them than to approach a young boy who is alone, and already naked?
Therefore, never send a child (even a 12-14 year old) alone to the mikvah. He should be very carefully watched by his father.
A partial list of pedophiles operating in the mikveh are:
Michae Zadeh (Elad), Menachem Geiger (Ashdod), Avraham Mayach, (Bnai Brak),Yoram Tzfira (Ariel). All information can be obtained on this website.
Family I hate to talk about it, and even think about it - but many offenders come from the immediate family: father, brother, cousin, uncle or grandfather. Each year, hundreds of cases of sexual abuse within the family are discovered. (And how many are not discovered?)
In this case, the pedophile can make the child think: This is normal and they need to cooperate. Children can not even imagine, that it is an unnatural situation. Therefore, one must ask them in a gentle way:
“Is there someone in the family who does unpleasant things to you and asks you not to tell”?
"If he tells you that if you tell, he will leave the house or some other disaster will happen to you- do not believe! I'm here to protect you, and it is important that you tell it all".
True, many of the community has many children, and it's often difficult to take time and talk in depth with each one of them, to make sure what is bothering them and if anyone is attacking them or threaten them, but it's important to spend at least a few minutes once a week with each one of the children.
An introduction to the Law
in Israel has a law prohibiting employment of people who have been convicted of sexual offences in institutions taking care of minors and people with mental or developmental disabilities (schools, Nursery schools, cheder, yeshiva, cultural sports and community centres etc.).
You have the right and duty as parents, to demand from the employer of the worker coming into contact with your child, that he obtains an employee certificate of good character, indicating that he had no criminal history of sexual offenses.
חוק למניעת העסקה של עברייני מין במוסדות מסוימים, התשס"א-2001
Meet the pedophiles who live near you.
This website "Let us grow quietly" was established to help parents find out which pedophiles living nearby.
Therefore, we encourage you to log in with reasonable frequency and keep up to date, to see if new names were added to the list of pedophiles in your neighborhood.
Some offenders also have photos, so you can identify them physically.
There you will find a person by first name and / or last name and make sure, for example,whether the guard at your house and school, your child's teacher meeting is a convicted felon.
Tips were provided by "www.besheket.com" and by Mrs. Lior Gal-Cohen: sexual violence prevention culture תרבות למניעת אלימות מינית www.lola-hatrada.org.il